No Rearview

   Today on The Steve Wilkos show, a young woman named Simone contracted HIV from a man she's been dating for a few years.

  He was abusive and cheated on her way before kids were involved.. She was only 24 and he was 29....

**Confession**

  Its emotional for me because that's exactly where I was a year ago..
When the thought of being exposed to that disease first came to mind, I left which was right when the #LegendaryLadiesBall was in action.

  Burning memories in that bonfire meant so much to me. It's like I died and was born anew by letting go of the past and moving forward.. But the hard part hadn't even came yet. When I left for Vegas right after #TheBall I was determined to find whatever peace out there and keep it with me once I returned.

I haven't been the same.
Love doesn't sound the same.
It doesn't feel the same.
Love doesn't comfort me like it use to.

It's not a bad thing however.
Maturity at the right time is everything.

Do not stay in an abusive relationship for the children, financial (in)stability, sex or loneliness.
IT IS NOT WORTH IT.
IT IS NOT WORTH IT.
IT IS NOT WORTH IT.

I am a years' worth behind where I'm suppose to be because of the time wasted with him.

I only hate the walls I've created,
the carelessness, the bitterness which comes and goes.. I hate remembering how much I gave to him, how much I loved him how many times I sacrificed for him, how many times I heard he wasn't for me but stayed because of the shit I mentioned before.

In this case how do I define regret?

Natalie Stewart said,

"I'm leaving the past behind by accepting it to be, and I'm loving HIM more daily by truly offering me. The all is what I live for I find peace in nothing else, to obtain in over-standing I must inner-stand myself."

Parts of me still wants vengeance.
Parts of me still wants him to hurt.
Parts of me still wants him to see the pain I have left

But it's pointless.

Still everything is gonna be alright. I survived. I made it out. I've become a bigger and better woman. Truth is when the right man comes along he won't run away from the challenge of earning my trust, love and honesty. He'll come prepared ready to break down walls. 

Until then it is my duty to walk in the path the Most High has set for me. That's where my help comes from.