Love Letters 2 a King

In the Saloon of 1950..
 

 I've been watching you from across the room and all I keep thinking is what will it take to have your cologne all over me.

    You obviously work somewhere important and I can tell from your cuff links and alligator cut boots that you work diligently into the early hours of the morning to get the job done.

   A masterpiece in the flesh. Chiseled goatee and long clean painted hands, fingers and nails. Lips well proportioned and the low profile haircut heightens your style.

  If I float to you in this evening gown sewn from studious hands; if I catch your eye and hold the gaze until I am face to face; allow the deep cut of my dress that flows from my ankle wind up and disappear behind my waist; hold my head high as these pumps be the guide, will you allow me to have just one dance?

There's no wedding band to conceal your priority.

It's a quarter til 2am and I know you rather not be lonely.

Let me be your totem pole. Paint me with your frustrations; make me look elegant. Make me stand out from the rest of the girls itching to be made woman. I step to you as one, treat me as such.

Grip my body with strong hands and adjust my posture upon yours.

You don't even have to stare in my eyes in the dark.

Don't feel obligated.

Explore the mountains and valleys which would lay before you.

Contemplate right from wrong just to be turned on.

Admit how you like to be chased and captured to please.

Wake up before I

 

Push my hair to the side

Thank God for a beautiful woman now that Scotch has subside.

Gather yourself and walk out of my life.

Sometimes. Only some of the time a one night stand is alright.

A brisk walk on the wild side to ignite the soul inside.

Sometimes. This time. It's no crime.

A Coin of Lessons

Good afternoon Fam!

I know I could address yaw as the Kings and Queens you are for visiting my channel and even reading my blog. Bloggers come a dime a dozen and frankly these are a collection of my thoughts in the most raw, human form and I don't care to be politically correct or follow what is deemed popular. I write to share my thoughts and create a space for conversation. We can be real here. Lets vibe. Walk with me.

2/24/18

   Today I learned to not be so closed minded about receiving help even in the smallest form. I take the bus to work sometimes to keep my humility strong. I find it okay to let my guard down about public transportation and dwell with others who are in transition to owning a car and otherwise can't drive for other reasons. Its a great break from societal norms of what people think is popular and acceptable. I use to be ashamed of riding the bus because it meant I couldn't go where ever the party was without needing a ride afterwards. It can be embarrassing. Have you ever walked to a bus stop in front of coworkers that were lined up at the intersection during rush hour? You know what I'm talking about; it's 5pm and time to clock out, everyone rushing toward their chariot trying to be the first one out the parking lot and on the highway. Before they make it there, they have to wait for the walkers in the area to cross the street, make it to the bus shelter, with eyes gawking every step of the way. 

  You feel the eyes studying your "less fortunate" stroll and they feel you feeling them. Especially when they speed away burning rubber behind them, smiling, and laughing. It's easy to forget small blessings like driving when it really doesn't break you as a person. This is why I choose to take the bus every now and again; to remain grateful.

   

       Today however I read the schedule wrong and missed the bus that would had got me to work 30 minutes early. Instead I'd be that much late clocking in. I didn't get mad or frustrated like I normally would had done back when I was a frequent rider. It's something about becoming reliable on the system and knowing that at times there will be delays and mishaps that will still bring the impatient and pissed off side out me and anyone else in the situation. So I started praying for peace. I've taken hip hop out of my daily music routine and began listening to Miles Davis radio on Pandora. Smooth jazz, soul jazz and that station in particular provide a different bounce in my step. A wave of authority fills my soul at night, blessing me with memorable dreams and blissful mornings, especially when I'm on the wrong side of the bed. There's a level of peace which encompass me all day, something I did not experience until I took hip hop out completely. It's apart of the journey I'm on which you'll read about in my next post.

#LongWinded

    Anyway when the bus finally arrived this morning from the first location I asked the driver if there were any delays going on with their routes. I figured I made a mistake somewhere but after looking at the schedule again I realized I was outside long enough to see a bus at least passing me by which did not happen and therefore never showed up at all.

   She was a beautiful Queen of a woman with her natural hair sprouting high from her crown. After noticing I was slightly flustered, searching for my fare (In the midst of praying and not worrying I misplaced my money), she offered a pass for free. A four dollar save is no big deal. I thanked her and found a seat.

    This is where the shift happened. After arriving to the connector location I asked if she had a schedule for the bus I was transferring to. Again more questions. We found out the connector wasn't to arrive for another hour. I began planning for yellow cab, calling my supervisor, everything to get to work on time when Queen said in a quiet, matter of fact manner, "I'll call you an Uber. I'll pay for it."

  I don't know how to handle people doing things for me, especially something completely my responsibility. She was going out of her way on HER shift at HER job just to help me and I could hardly take it. I declined with reason and gave rationale as much as I could but Queen repeated, "let me help you. Let me do this for you."

   Those words stung like a fresh bumblebee out the honeycomb,  when they danced into my ears for the second time. Her words deliberate through her soft tone. Her break was over and time to resume the route. We exchanged information and one of her friends would be ensuring my cab was on the way. Before I could finish my sentence she said, "And don't pay me back. We have to look out for our own. Peace Queen."

With that she was gone.

    What am I suppose to do with that? I began questioning the legitimacy of getting a ride to work. Again, I took a deep breath and began to thank the most high for what had happened.

  Why is it a bid deal if a stranger helps us especially our own kind? Have we become so far removed from being selfless and able to honor our brothers and sisters? It is usually me that goes out the way for others; keeping promises, remaining patient when others are late or cancel at the last minute. I provide advise to many colleagues, family and friends that I often wonder who will be there for me when I need it.

   I rely upon the most high to supply my every need though at times human interaction, a physical shoulder to cry on is what I need most. My journey to womanhood I've learned to not be so closed off when help is offered my way. It's a process and honestly an issue I didn't recognize I had  in the first place.

    Today's lesson served as a blessing on two fronts: the giver and the receiver. Something was in Queen to extend herself to someone she didn't know but wanted to help. Maybe she was battling ways to not be selfish and boastful. Perhaps she needed help more than anyone could imagine and needed to demonstrate it by being selfless to a stranger. Or maybe the spirit of Wakanda is upon us and black people are moving closer to Brother Malcolm's sentiment, "I AM MY BROTHERS KEEPER!"

   Whatever it was her patience inspired me to examine myself deeper and truly grasp why her helping hand, slighted me a bit. Part of it stems from not ever wanting to owe someone in the future. People take advantage of that and hold it over as something to brag about than wanting to really help. Other times owing someone back can become a stressful in itself. Finding any moment to pay someone back just to drop off the extra baggage.

    On the other hand, my pride can rise higher than it should and I just don't want the help. I rather struggle alone than to let someone else feel victorious for having to help me out of pity or spite. I do things the hard way sometimes though I am quick to lend a hand to others. I just don't want to be in the way or a hassle for anyone. Why I feel like that is an entirely different post in itself that I may write about later.

     Still I am thankful for today and its power. The most high is always looking out for me in bigger more apparent ways than I ever paid attention to before. I have to allow others to help me for whatever the reason because I certainly don't need one when I'm helping others. I'm grateful for the moment of clarity to confront issues I forgot existed that would have remained dormant and hidden. February 2018 has been the month of Self Preservation. I have faced many negative points of myself through the art of forgiveness and I am only getting started on this journey to Womanhood. Today I am blessed.

Peace

-Para