4.2.15

I think about you when it rain.
It reminds me of all the times I held onto tears to not cry for you.
To not think about those abusive nights when I saw hell rise before your eyes highlighting mine,
Tempting me
Calling my name in a language I never knew existed hissing at me.
Demanding attention,
Capturing,
Luring me closer to insanity as I watch myself die in a blood bath
Fresh batch of brains and loveless coexistence,
YO I CAN NEVER GO BACK TO THAT APARTMENT.
You,
You fuckless, Giant coward of a man
I once said I loved you more than my next breath,
But that was only because you took mine with hands gripped around my neck and living didn't seem that appealing anymore.
Police didn't stop by cuz we were just outside the hood on the third floor in the middle of the night,
But it was still my right!
In saying those words I hoped you'd stare into my eyes one last time and remember everything you said I was to you.
I wanted you to come to your senses but rage has a way in taking completely over and dementic soul.
I'm not even sure if that's a real word and its a shame cuz even now in this wordplay I cut you slack.
Give you the benefit of the doubt that you were never a demon just distraught.
Maybe even distracted that this little woman swallows fear, stands up to a maniac towering at least five feet her height, weighing an extra 45 pounds than she yet she is not afraid to die.
Not afraid to fight til death bid them adieu if God planned it that way.
But if she had it her way she would die in his grips just to feel the room fade.
Feel the room curl in a tight space as oxygen escapes.
Like maybe the room would grow cold as logic slaps him in the face to shake her awake, but it'd be too fucking late.
.........................................................

I think about you when it rain.
And pray to not mature with bitter scars against a man who wouldn't even think to abuse me in such a way.
And I pray for others who mourn the loss of women that didn't get away.

Lord have mercy.