Dear Diary,
I made it. After all the tears, neglect, rejection and a bottomless pit of emotions I can sit alone in my peace and finally breathe without interruption. I saw him the other day with her and I wasn't afraid nor ashamed to share the same air. This time there was no awkward moments or random feelings of loneliness. There was no longing of 'what if forever tattooed our names in the bosom of stars' upon exchanging smiles in our short embrace, no. There was none of that.
I remember waiting for this moment and fearing it would never come. My fear of finally getting over had all to do with recognizing my worth. Replacing those tears with something real even if it was temporary took time; patience. Something I lacked. Though everyday I found something to smile about. Likewise, found lyrics of all kinds to speak the emotions I couldn't place into words. I listened to melodies that would make me cry the hardest, the deepest, just to blame misfortunes on someone besides myself.
I was selfish. And maybe we all are after a tough breakup but I learned a long time ago that forgiveness stretches far beyond the ears of "I'm sorry." It's heard but rarely accepted.
I'm having trouble burying the memories we share. Perhaps its human nature to wonder if I ever cross your mind.. But to be honest, peering through foggy binoculars at a memory is more distracting than driving through a thunderstorm.
I love you and I'm forever grateful for all you've introduced to me. I'm stronger now. More aware and humbled by our experience. Someone spoke of your name a few weeks ago. I awed at the sound as if it were a new word meeting my vocabulary.
The irony is that sometimes it is your name I whisper in my prayers before I lay to rest...
The more I think about it, seeing you was refreshing. You're awesome dude. And so is she.
I'm happy and FINALLY at peace.
With Love,
Para*
