I went to go see the debut McWit Productions of Black Men on Sex yesterday. It was the male and perhaps better version of the female show, Black Girls on Sex. Im sure all of you remember how awesome that show was.
The BMS show was slightly more self reflecting than the one I was apart of. By the time I made it home to recount the days' events, I had become inspired to be more independent as a woman. The last couple months Ive been feeling the pressure of accepting all of lifes' trials and tribulations and learning how to compress ill emotions that would fester from such woes, and let me tell you- it is so much easier to whine and cry about problems than it is to keep moving and STAY POSITIVE.
There. I said it.
But during this journey Ive found that before anyone can demand maturity and independence of another, one must possess such qualities in themselves. Perhaps that's why so many people live in unhappy relationships. There's no hope in trying to make someone be something that they are either not, or incapable of ever being.
This is why self love is so important, and why self reflection is imperative BEFORE re-entering the dating scene. Especially if the previous relationship was spent beyond a years' time. I do a lot of self reflection and rethinking past situations that could have been done differently that I try to not make the same mistakes twice. I understand how precious patience is during rough times. I understand moreso how to truly define the strengths and weaknesses of self, and how to be absolutely OK with those flaws.
We are human people.
No matter how important it is to seem superhuman and flawless, in the realm of being succumb to true unadulterated love, who would want perfection? The beauty is finding the smoothest rhythm between the two, and falling in love with the groove that was made comfortable amongst you.
We've all had our moments of heartbreak from relationships that went sour, but take a moment and really examine what went wrong, (and/or previous relationship) and be honest about the mistakes made from both sides. Its important to do so because most will just move on to the next person, fall blindly into another love bubble I like to call, the infatuation of difference, and the cycle will continue. Most of the time, when people finally realize their mistake, it is too late. And sometimes its a good thing.
"Life is a movie and we both said cut, but most times darlin the sequel sucks." That was a Wale lines which basically means, going back to an ex is sometimes redundant and a waste of time. And the people that don't try again, and Ill even go as far to say know they wouldn't have a second chance, are left feeling content with their choices. They may be happy. But the level of excitement is different. The intensity of their love affair is not nearly as enjoyable or worth fighting for as before.
I know this to be true.
Am I victim? Sure. Have I done my damage? I suppose.
Here's a good question..
Do I feel as though I may never love as hard or explosive as before? Sometimes.
Often times I'm nervous to be in that place again because I know it will happen again. But i do think its normal to feel that way. I believe the level of uncertainty in this category welcomes maturity, independence, serendipity, and of course a sound mind.
I remember the greatest love I encountered being unexpected yet so very refreshing.
And right on time.
I knew what I wanted and how I needed to be treated. Once I received it with open hands, I vowed to never let it go as long as it would have me. I in turn loved hard. We loved hard. We danced to the melody of us on replay until the disc itself skipped.
For that alone I will forever love, love. We are one. To love in a rush, one must remember that feeling. "And don't it feel good to just no longer be pretending to feel that feeling. You probably don't remember the last time you felt that feeling. And if heaven ain't a feeling then heights you ain't fearing.." -Harold Green
As I write this I realize I will only become a better person growing to be a better woman. I know what it takes to cater to boys. I know how to keep a boys attention.. that's easy. The challenge of keeping a man's attention has been accepted. I cannot demand a man to be everything to and for me whilst not elevating to be his everything.
His Queen.
Real will always recognize its counterparts, but will also magnetize towards what's true.
And these words are true.
Spoken from the land of Kovu.
I am SHE,
ParaLectra
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